Forgiveness....big sigh!

I’ve been reading through ‘Every Woman’s Battle’ for the past few weeks and I gotta say. I’ve learned a TON. I can’t say that I agree with everything in the book, but I sure have figured out some things that have been bugging me and kicking me in the butt for quite some time.

Facebook can be good sometimes, but other times it can rear it’s nasty face and uncover emotions I didn’t even know were still there. This happened to me the other day and I had to take a minute to side step and get myself together. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends in my life whom I can call and process through these things with and I did just that.

After some processing and reading in my book, I came to a revelation. I’ve forgiven those who have hurt me in past relationships, I’ve asked God for his forgiveness, but I have never forgiven myself for my actions. God justifies our sins “just-as-if-I’d” never done it and he STILL loves us. I believe this whole heartedly, but I sure do have a hard time wrapping my brain around that one sometimes. Our past affects so much of what we do and who we are and figuring out that I need to let go, move forward and forgive myself was a big step.

Did you know that unforgiveness can cause side effects such as; anxiety, depression, mistrust, poor self-esteem, anger, hatred, racing heart, high blood pressure, increased risk of cancer, increased risk of heart attack by 500%, weak immune system…and that’s just to name a few!

Last nite I surrendered my pain and my guilt for my past behaviors and I am making moves in the right direction. Forgiving myself is not easy and sometimes I feel as though I am being punished for my past mistakes. But I KNOW I am forgiven and justified. I know this won’t be an overnite thing and it will take some time but I’ve recognized and pinpointed the problem, after all that’s the first step right?

Dream Come True

Well if ya’ll have known me for any length of time you know that I have dreamed about owning a Jeep for years…literally years. I can remember high school when everyone I seemed to be close to owned some kind of Jeep and it has continued throughout my life. Last Friday my dream finally came true and I was able to purchase just what I have been looking for. I have thoroughly enjoyed it this week and I loooove sitting up high and being able to see more and I really enjoy being able to put the top down. Oh and FYI, its bright yellow so I can keep on Shinin’ Bright ;]

We are Virginia Tech

It’s hard for me to comprehend that today marks 3 years since the tragedy at Virginia Tech. The memory of sitting in class that fateful day is just as vivid as if it were yesterday. It feels like a dream to me and I often find myself in denial about everything. It was a nightmare that I woke up to…and it was true. How could this happen to my school? Those were my fellow Hokies. That was my campus. My Hokies were on national headlines. For three days after the shooting my roommates/friends and I were glued to the TV. 3 days passed and we were numbed, walking around like zombies and only going through the motions. We turned off the TV and I haven’t turned it on much since then. I still feel the numbness, the pain, the disbelief and the horror, yet today marks the day that I move forward. Today I will remember that fateful day in attempts of moving on with life and how God is moving and working. I will pray and be thankful for God’s Glory. Without him we are nothing and he promised that he will never forsake us.

4.16.07 marks the day of a tremendous journey in my life, MY run to the cross. After 4.16 I hit my lowest low, and I can also testify that through this marathon of sorts, I’ve been brought closer to the Lord than I have ever been in my life.

I ran. For over 2 years I ran. A problem came up, I ran. I ran to Blacksburg. I ran to Roanoke. I ran to Luray. I ran to Staunton. I ran to boys. I ran to alcohol. I literally ran on the pavement. I ran to anywhere that was physically somewhere else than where I currently was. Running is exhausting. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. In August of ‘09 I started running in a different direction….to the cross. My life has been dramatically different since finally understanding God’s love in a different way and having an intimate relationship with him. I give God all the glory for bringing me out of the depths and into his arms.

As I end this post today I will leave you with the poem written by Nikki Giovanni. Chills still run up my spine as I remember the day she delivered this at the convocation address.

Delivered April 17, 2007

We are Virginia Tech.

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.

The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We are Virginia Tech.

Resolution

At the beginning of 2010 I made the resolution to not purchase new clothes for 6 months. Here are the rules:

1. I cannot purchase NEW clothes for 6 months
2. Exceptions are under garments and bathing suits
3. I may purchase thrift store/consignment clothes minimally

I moved into my townhouse in November and quickly filled up my walk in closet. After lugging crazy amounts of clothes up the stairs of my new house and realizing how ridiculous it was for me to have so many clothes I knew it was time to take action. Regularly buying new clothes each season has always been a weakness of mine and what better way to control it than to stop buying. My exception to the resolution is thrift stores. I’ve only been about three times, but boy have I been enlightened. I take my clients all the time, but I never shopped for myself because I was always helping them look for something in particular. I’ve quickly learned that thrift stores and consignment shops still fulfill that need for a new look and the prices are dramatically different..SCORE! I’m just as satisfied with a thrift store purchase as I am with a new outfit from the mall.

I have no doubt that I will be able to make it until the end of June and I’m toying with the idea of doing it for the entire year. For the second half of 2010 I am contemplating only being able to purchase a thrift store item if I have donated one. That way I don’t continue to add to my wardrobe. I can already tell that my bank account is reaping the benefits and I feel much better about my spending habits. Below is a picture of my most recent find. An Ann Taylor dress from the Rescue Mission Thrift Store for a whopping….yes, yes…wait for it….TWO BUCKS! Woot! It's a little snug at the moment, but if I drop a few or a friend is in need of a cute dress to borrow its all theirs :]

Slow Down Sista

About a week ago I came down with a nasty case of strep throat. Ga-rossss! I wasn’t surprised about my diagnosis after seeing the doc, she said my symptoms were “very impressive” this go ‘round. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I get strep at least once a year around this time. I had the icky stuff three times in a row last spring. Ms. Sassy and I had just discussed how thankful we are for our health when we seem to be surrounded by people with illness. Maybe I spoke too soon, but it really got me to thinkin’ and prayin’.

I'm notorious for always jamming my schedule full of plans for every day and practically every hour of the week. Being sick for 4 days made me physically stop and take a breather. Sometimes we can get so consumed with planning the next event that we completely lose sight of what is actually happening right in front of us. I know this was God’s way of saying…slow down sista. I don’t have to be consumed by my planner and it’s healthy to take a breather every once in a while.

So, while I was illin’ I got caught up on my sleep (Lucy enjoyed all the sleeping)

Read Twilight of course, kept in touch with a few people regarding my sickness, surfed the net quite a bit

and nommed on some delicious ckicken noodle soup and chocolate-chocolate cupcakes from Ms. Sassy’s Momma (I feel like she’s my Roanoke momma since mine lives over 2 hours away)

My Lessons Learned: don’t plan so much, take care of my temple, and get better so I can keep shinin’ ;) I KNOW God wants me to be healthy.

P.S.- In the 4 days that I was down and out....EVERYTHING BLOOMED! what a beautiful thing to walk outside to and instantly lift my spirits :-D

When life gives you lemons...drink a slurpee?

Shewwww. What a week it has been! I blame the full moon that is in the near future. My dad always warns me when a full moon is coming and says people will be a little off their rocker. I didn’t pay any mind to this until I started working in the mental health field. All my bosses and coworkers always agree that people act differently around this time. As time passes and I witness more strange behavior I couldn’t agree more. I finally broke this afternoon and treated myself to a much needed Slurpee before spending some time with my good friend, Ms. Sassy.


I’ve had cancellation after cancellation during my days, and strange conversations with people from my past at nite. I’ll admit that 3, 6, and even 9 months ago a week like this would've had me in cahoots. Thankfully I’m healthier spiritually, physically, and mentally. I’m amazed at how we react to different situations based on how our relationship with God is and how we are mentally and physically. When we are content we are better able to handle stress and the things life throws at us. I have learned firsthand that the closer we are walking with God the more armor we have to fight the good fight in this crazy world. I KNOW God only gives us what we can handle.

Destination ImagiWHAT?

Destination ImagiNation. Some future fellow cruisers and I volunteered at Destination ImagiNation over the weekend. A nonprofit organization devoted to teaching Teamwork, Creativity, and Problem Solving. We participated in Disney’s Give-A-Day program in order to get a free ticket to any Disney park (a $90 value!). In order to get the ticket voucher we had to volunteer for one day at any organization/program in the area. Sounds easy huh? Well it was easy and really brought home the service message. A few times throughout the day I was referred to as the Disney girl who was there to get a ticket. This made me feel like a real jerk, but it also got me to thinkin’ (big surprise). Disney really hit a home run with this one. Communities win with extra volunteers, Disney gets crazy marketing and in the end people come together for service in the beginning and fun at the park in the end. Why can’t we see God and serving him the same way? We as Christians should jump at any chance to serve. Not only should we jump at the chance to serve, but we should seek out service opportunities. Throughout the day I was thinking, how am I bringing glory to God in this volunteer opportunity? We need to bring glory to his name in everything we do, and enjoy doing it because of his never ending love for us!